A Letter To my Future Self
by Cororo
Summary: Antonio reflects on his past in a letter addressed to himself in the future. **ONESHOT** AntonioxLovina. Yes, Nyotalia involved and is Gakuen  in a way . Rated T for slight language.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia and this story is actually inspired by a person on pixiv. :D Lovino IS a girl in this, AKA nyotalia included. **

**This is written from Spain's point of view, but it's a gakuen-type thing… I guess. LOL. It doesn't even sound like Spain, but if you're still fine with that, go ahead and read all you want~ **

**Oh, and it's written in a poetryish way…? Well, it's a letter! :U Sorry if it's confusing. I just wanted to try writing in a way I normally don't do. Helps with my English practicing. fffft. **

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><p>To my future self,<p>

Do you remember all the past events I went through?

Especially about that one time…

And my pen looks pretty messed up right now so I'll write quickly.

I first met that girl on the spring of 7th grade, the first year of middle school.*[1]

I wondered exactly what club I should join, and so out of pure curiosity (and recommendation from my other friends), I decided to join the kendo club.

That's where I met "her".

Apparently her name was Lovina Vargas.

Not that I cared.

My first impression of her, you ask?

Awful.

For a girl, she used vulgar language all the time and never held back from punching anybody. I honestly thought she had quite a few anger problems at first.

That's how awful my first impression of her was.

But for some odd reason, after her fits of anger, she would always have the down-time in which she would become absolutely honest.

One of my friends Kiku called that state of her, "dere". The "tsun" was her usual self. * [2]

But whenever our kendo club was over, we would always talk and hang out with each other.

By the time summer came by, the distance between us had become to grow smaller.

She was a very mysterious girl.

I didn't know whether she was having one of her perverted moments or not one day, but there was that one day she randomly came up to me after club practice and said, "Hey! Switch uniforms with me for a bit."

Did she like crossdressing as a male?

Or did she just want to embarrass the hell out of me?

I'm still not quite sure what she was thinking to this day.

But once she gave me a few headbutts and kicks here and there, I decided to give in and I quickly handed her my uniform.

She ran behind some curtains, removed her sailor uniform, then threw her articles of clothing over the curtains and soon enough, I found her uniform lying in front of me.

"CHANGE," she yelled.

To avoid getting scolded further, I went to find a curtain of my own to go behind and change.

Now that I think about it, why was she in the boy's changing room anyways?

That was also the day I learned this: Skirts are not the best.

I don't understand why girls like wearing these so much!

On the other hand, I _did_ look quite good in that.

Once we were both changed, we came out of our respective changing areas then viewed the other.

She looked adorable in my gakuran*[3]! I just couldn't help giving her a great big hug and a giggle!

"Fusosososo~ Lovi, estás muy linda!"

Her face turned an abnormally dark shade of red, then attempted to push me away.

"Get away from me, you damn perv! You're going to give me fuckin' rabies!"

Look who's talking. It was her idea to trade uniforms.

To give me "revenge", she pulled up my skirt to laugh at my "pitiful figure".

I let her pull it up. Not like I'm hiding much from her anyways.

Instead of laughing, her face changed into that tomato color again, and as she was about to yell something obscene at me as usual, another one of the kendo club members came into the changing room.

Obviously, he was quite confused.

1. He witnessed a girl pulling up a skirt.

2. The one wearing the skirt was me, the manly Antonio Carriedo.

3. Wait, what the hell is a girl doing in the changing room anyways!

(3. Those were my exact thoughts too. Lovi, what _were_ you doing here? Not that I really minded.)

Valentine's day the next year went like this:

"Oh, yeah, bastard. I got you chocolate, but I ate it. I'll give you a new one Saturday."

And I was so excited to receive one on the day of Valentine's day too…! But then again, that_ is_ a quite Lovina-like thing for her to do. I'm just happy she even thought about giving me chocolate.

That Saturday, she did come over to my house with chocolate in hand, as promised.

Weekends after that, we began to spend even more time with each other, much more than before, that is.

We'd go to each other's houses and sometimes even go out places.

Sometimes we'd come across one of our classmates while out and they'd mistake us as couples.

So one day, just as a joke, I said, "we can always try out this 'dating' stuff with each other like everybody talks about", and I began laughing.

It _was_ a pretty funny joke, right?

She replied with a, "I'm quite sure there won't be any other pitiful soul who'd ever want to date you, so I guess I'll be your girlfriend for the kicks."

And just like that, we started dating.

We were so odd together.

We'd go here and there on a "date", but we never really did do anything loveydovey together.

Instead, we found enjoyment in throwing tomatoes at eachother, recreating the Spanish tomatina festival here in Japan.

Those times really were lots of fun.

But one day, Lovina and one of her friends got into quite a big fight.

I wanted them both to get along, so I tried very harshly to get them to talk.

But of course, everything I tried to do for Lovina never worked.

"You're on _her_ side, aren't you?"

Those were her last words to me.

She's never talked to me ever since.

But I think I'll be fine.

I'll find a newer love in the future.

…is what I thought.

Life never gets off of anybody's ass, does it?

Yes, please excuse mi lenguaje. I'm not in the best of moods right now, but I'll keep writing.

Keep writing, because I'm not done writing to my future self yet.

Ever since that day, older Antonio, I couldn't find myself to fall in love with any other person.

I've tried very very hard to date other women. I really did!

But those relationships never lasted long.

Even the girlfriend I was going out with the other week, we just broke up yesterday.

I wondered why she broke up with me.

So of course, curiosity got the best of me, just like the reason I joined the kendo club, and I asked one of her friends. "Why did she break up with me?"

Apparently it's because I'm too open.

She didn't like my confessions of "love".

But see, it's funny, because I thought the more open I was to her, or any woman, nonetheless, I might be able to get closer.

Telling them "I love you" everyday was supposed to get them to really love me more.

Or maybe that's just my misunderstanding.

Or maybe because I wasn't able to honestly tell Lovina that I did love her more than anybody else in the world, I began to feel that saying those three words would get those other women to love me.

I always thought the reason Lovina didn't feel our connection to be stronger and ultimately broke up was because she never got to hear those words come out of my mouth.

But now that I think about it carefully, I feel that me without a girl and with a girlfriend really aren't all that different.

The only difference is if I have a girl to walk with or not.

And oddly enough, after I broke up with my most recent girlfriend, I feel that not having a girlfriend makes me feel a lot happier.

It's probably because I have nothing holding me back from other things that I won't be able to do otherwise.

But if that's really true, then maybe life without Lovina_ is_ good for me.

….No, that's not true.

I'm just trying to act stronger than I really am.

It's because humans need another human's love to survive.

Maybe in the future, I'd have learned to love someone and be loved in return.

Next time, I'll try to be slower with my progression through this phenomenon called "love".

I'll try to leave some distance between us, but not too far, that they won't understand my love for them at all.

I'll go slowly.

I don't care how fast all of society moves around me, I'll learn to love slowly.

I'm sure that way, we'll both learn to enjoy every moment of life as it passes by.

So how is life for you, future me?

Do you already have a girlfriend? Maybe even a boyfriend?

Ha! That's funny to think about.

Or could you be married!

Don't marry too early, alright? You need to take things slowly.

There are so many other things I want to tell you, but since my pen seems like it's going to run out of ink soon, I think I'll stop for now.

Let me ask just one more thing:

Are you happy with your life now?

Antonio Carriedo

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><p><strong>*Notes: <strong>

**[1] In Japan, a new school year starts during spring and middle school starts at around 7th grade in our school system. **

**[2] Referring to the two parts of tsundere. "Tsun" and "dere". If you don't know what a tsundere is, please go look on wikipedia. I'm sorry, I'm horrible at explaining things. ;;; **

**[3] Gakuran: Boy's school uniform that is typically used in middle schools, but occasionally high schools as well. **

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><p><strong>AN: **

**Hope at least somebody enjoyed it. To be honest, I pretty much only wrote it to try and practice a new style of writing as well as practice my English… I don't think it worked out too well, but since it's a waste not to share, I thought I would. =u=b **

**Should I try writing something else in this poetic style…? I'm not too sure. **

**Nonetheless, thank you all for reading, and if you comment, favorite or do whatever else with this fanfiction, I will love you forever…! ;u;**

**Also, since I love Spamano and I think it kinda sucks that I made them not fall for eachother, let's just say future Antonio met Lovina's twin brother by the name of Lovino who lived away from Lovina and he fell for Lovino then they lived happily ever after. The end. **

**...Don't ask me to write that. LOL. **


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